Fingernails

I know it seems crazy, but for the longest time, I have had one secret indulgence: fingernails. Since I discovered acrylic nails back in the early 1990's, I have always kept, long, expensive, beautiful fake fingernails on my hands. Those of you who have naturally thin, bad nails like I have had all my life can appreciate this luxury. Those of you who have acrylic nails know about their upkeep and expense, taking a commitment of a visit to your salon every two weeks to keep them looking long and elegant. I even graduated eventually to the most expensive form of these nails; pink and white acrylic, done to look like a French manicure.

Back in 2001, after diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment options were being weighed, I had been told about many things to expect. I would receive as much chemo as a body could take. I would feel terrible before I could get better. I would lose my hair, possibly everywhere on my body.
There were things like infections, mouth sores, fevers and fatigue in my future. I should consider having an stem cell transplant for maximum benefit and minimizing the cancer's return. And even after all this, we may still face a recurrence and early death. The numbers did not stack up in my favor. All of this news I took rather well. Sat stoically in the doctors'
offices trying to be analytical and logical and understand medical jargon that was new and daunting. And it wasn't until I sat in a transplant physician's office at Duke University, had him
look down at my hands and say, "you're going to have to lose those nails", that I completely came undone. My one little indulgence, my one area of beauty that I thought I could keep and the cancer could not take was going to be taken after all.

The next spring, after five rounds of chemo, a stem cell transplant, and six weeks of radiation,
I went back into a salon and put those pink and white acrylic nails back on. It was a great day!
Another victory for me. Another defeat for the disease. And so from April of 2002 until August
of 2007, despite advise from my doctor and nurse practitioner, I have faithfully kept the nails on.

I guess you're wondering why I thought it was important to tell you about my fingernails. The point of the story is this: sometimes God uses such little things to do his work that if we're not careful we will miss the chance to recognize the opportunity to join Him in that work,
You see, for the longest time people have been after me to write about my journey over the last seven years. I have hundreds of handwritten journal entries and many more experiences in my head, but I never wanted to take the time to try to write these things in a format where others would have access to them. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard, "you ought to write a book."
The reason I resisted writing about what God, faith, family and friends have done for me over the years???? It was because of the fingernails. That's right....my long, beautiful fingernails made it very difficult for me to type on my laptop keyboard. I used to make so many typos it wasn't funny. Besides, I wanted to talk about my experiences, not write about them, so my ineptness on a keyboard (because of the nails) was a convenient excuse.
And so, in August of this year when Abraxane (chemo) finally starting killing my natural nails underneath my acrylics, the long nails came off. The next time some one said, "I wish you had something written down that I could share with others" I started writing...here on a blogspot...and typing who knows how many words per minute because I had no fingernails to get in the way. Just my own, yellowed, short trimmed, badly polished nails, allowing me to do what God had intended all along. He wants me to write and so I do...for His glory. Amen

"...My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord."
Isaiah 55:8