Shifting Shadows

I have been thinking a lot about the perfection of last Thursday. When things fall in line so sublimely, it is so easy to know you are where you belong, you are walking in God's will, you are fulfilling His purpose. The further apart from the perfect happenings you get, the easier it is for the darkness to creep back. Particularly at night, when you wake up alone in the darkness, with nothing but your brain working away, and everyone else asleep.

Then the questions come slinking in. Like the scene from the Ten Commandments where the curse is creeping through Pharaoh's village, taking all the first-born sons, the dark mists of doubt seem to lurk around every corner and sneak under every doorway. The more distant you are from God and his evidence of perfect will, the more doubtful you become of your place in His plan....and you begin to stray from the path.

Straying from the path for me sounds like this:
"why is my leg hurting so much today?"
"what is that odd twinge under my right rib?"
"are my breaths as deep as last week?"
"why do I keep writing the word 'no' for 'know'?"
"they really don't think this break will last long for me."
"who am I kidding.....one day the darkness will overtake me."
"if time is limited, I should be living at the beach."

Doubt and fear, fear and doubt. Satan's tools......faith dimmers.....coming through the darkness at 4:00 in the morning.

So what do you do? When the perfect day seems so long ago and reality steals your joy? You cry out to the Lord who saves you every time. You say through the dark of night, "He is with me, He is with me even till the ends of the earth" You remind yourself of His promises and the fact that God does not change...He does not lie. And you look to the Book.

I found a lot in that Book this morning after a night of shadows. In one of the smaller Books of the New Testament, James, I found words so right and so real, well, you got it, they were perfect.
James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance"
What do you get for developing perseverance? That's found further down in 1:12.
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life..."

It's obvious to anyone who has read one page of this journal that I am going after that crown with everything I've got....with all that is in me....I will persevere. I will push through the darkness and doubt that creep up on me like they did last night. James also had something to say about the shadows of doubt in 1:16
"Do not be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." Perfect gifts from God, heavenly lights....just what is needed to chase away darkness.

As always, with the rising of a new day and sunlight, God has given me the encouragement I need to get past the dark. He never changes and He blesses those who persevere. I'm counting on that, and hoping for one night soon when sleep will be perfect and no black mist will creep into my dreams of the future.