Broken to Beautiful

What are these things that I have lost in this never-ending struggle with a never-ending disease? From my once beautiful outer self, I have somehow turned around and in seven years lost my breasts, my shape, my muscle tone, my hair twice, all the lining of my mouth, nose and intestinal tract, three toenails, five fingernails, all my eyelashes, all my eyebrows, heck...every hair on my body at some point, my singing voice, and the feeling in my feet and my hands. I have lost the trust and confidence I once had in my healthy body.



Some losses I know are permanent...some have been temporary...all have been mourned in one way or another.



BUT I know without these losses, I would not still be here. These losses have actually gained me the ability to see my daughter grow into a beautiful young woman, build a house, outlive my father, stay working in a job with people I love, share summers and holidays, see Las Vegas, show a dog at Westminster Kennel Club..twice and share so much with my husband and friends. Most importantly I have gained such a close and dependent relationship with Jesus Christ.



From all the brokeness of this body that has withstood countless rounds of chemotherapy...too many to remember.....comes beautiful spirituality. Such a great reward for all the struggle.



I still miss my old body, but I do not miss my old self. The one who was so surface, so material,
so selfish. Breast cancer has taken away a lot of things, but I have been paid back in spades!



K

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.....Joel 2:25"