The Roller Coaster

Do you like roller coaster rides?? I grew up with two brothers that were "riders". Anytime we went to an amusement park, small or large, we had to ride the roller coaster. From the old Swamp Fox in Myrtle Beach to Space Mountain at Disney, I have been on quite a few. There is something about a roller coaster....the anticipation, the climb, that first drop, the feeling of being thrown around at high speed. It is wonderful and frightening, fun and terrifying all rolled into one or two minutes.

Wonderful and frightening. Just like those coaster rides of my youth, coming off regular chemo treatments feels the same way. Just like the long lines for the big rides, I have waited for this time with great anticipation. And just like when that coaster starts the long, slow and jerking climb to the top of the first crest of the ride, I am slightly terrified.

The next moment, the next stretch of track on the ride will bring a stomach-dropping, head-lightening, disorienting, exhilarating drop off of what seems like the edge of the world. That first plummet sets the tone for the rest of the ride. Some people scream, close their eyes, bury their heads, even cry. Others hold their hand over their heads, eyes wide open, screaming with excitement, joy on their faces. Everyone reacts in their own way. And like the coaster riders,
I have a choice to make on how I react to this next ride in the ride for my life.

As I lay in bed yesterday, knocked down by the last round, I was so thankful to know that I had
time again. Time to recover, time to grow hair, time to not feel like a cancer patient. At the same time, I was scared. Scared of not knowing what is coming next....what the drop will be like.....what that first moment at the crest of the ride will mean for me....what choice I will make on how to handle the ride. It is an up and down, around and around emotional time. Again, on my roller coaster ride of cancer, I have to trust. TRUST. Trust that God has good things ahead on the tracks for me. Trust that His hand is on me. Trust that the roller coaster will stay on the tracks and it will be a grand and wonderful ride.....one that I want to ride time and again.

So here I am at the crest. I can see for miles and miles. The roller coaster pauses and then
the drop begins in an instance of weightlessness. And I have my hands up, eyes open, and joy on my face. I am trusting that the ride will be a great one.

"Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:10