Call it what we want

"Yet (we) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but were strengthened in (our) faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." Romans 4:20-21"

That's a powerful scripture, isn't it? Written by Paul about Abraham. The man with so much faith that he would have offered up his only son Isaac on an altar because God told him to. Oh, how could one man have so much absolute faith??? It seems like there are very few modern-day Abrahams around.

I, for one, have my moments when I do not waver. When I have been "fully persuaded" that God would do as he promised. Then, there are other times when I do waver. I struggle with purpose and intent and plan. I have unbelief. These are the times that, as well as asking God, I turn to others to ask for help in my unbelief. When the numbers come back not so great, but I am feeling great, I have learned that instead of wavering; instead of being sucked under by doubt and panic, that the people in my boat will band together, take the latest results and call it what we want to get me through to the next round. This time we are calling it a "deceleration of the rate of increase of the tumor marker". How's that for spin??? The marker didn't go down, but it didn't go up half as fast as it had been. And besides:

I just had one round of therapy.
I just started back on Avastin, which makes all chemotherapy work better.
Forward motion has to be slowed before it can stop completely and start going backwards. (good one from my boss)
I like that way of thinking. (standard friend reply)
We have to give this course of therapy time to work before we abandon it.
I am still relatively symptomless and feeling better than I have in months.
We can talk about a liver procedure "down the road."


I love it when someone says "down the road" or "next year" or "we're saving that for when we really need it" All these things my medical team, my friends, and my family say to me to keep me looking forward, to keep me focused, and to help me have the faith of Abraham. These words of analyzation, justification, and encouragement allow me to take a call from Janet about
the numbers I didn't want to hear and go right back to working a two-day trade show like nothing ever happened. They're not panicking so I'm not panicking. We're calling the latest round of numbers what we want. They are "not that bad" we say. They are just a stepping stone on the way to reversing the course, stemming the tide, and beating back the enemy. This is in no way a setback or a time for gnashing of teeth and ripping of clothes. Now is the time to be Abraham. And I have no doubt that we all will come together again and have that faith, that unwavering faith that the battle continues and we are strong and willing and life and the living will go on.

So look in my boat. My boat is full of people all with different first names and backgrounds and jobs and relationships to me. But they all have the same nickname and it is Abraham. Oh, and for those of you who are wondering about the lonely pain pill (earier post) that I have sitting on my nightstand, just in case I had another severe bout of bone pain in the middle of the night, well the pill is now gone. Gone back into the prescription bottle because I have faith that I will not need it. There's an Abraham moment for you. How absolutely cool is that?